I find it interesting, sometimes, to read journals of people I used to know. Old lovers, former confederates, heroes and heroines past…

I think it lets me see a bit of an alternate universe. Everyone carries the universe around in their head; the Buddhists call it ‘maya’, the illusion of the world that we take for reality.

So I find it fascinating to be able to see how other people view the same events, even years after the fact.

Attached to this is the fact that, as usual, I really dig on watching my own internal processes. Watching myself become upset or pissed off because someone I used to care about has a different interpretation of events than I do is oddly pleasing to me. I see that in some way, I do still care about their opinion and viewpoint, because anger comes from fear, which comes from love.

Of course, I also know that hurtful words and painful actions come from fear, which comes from love, so in a twisted way, I know they also still carry some feelings for me, and the others involved in the situation.

I think that I’ll choose to take the energy from these feelings and channel it into something productive. Something that would both please and upset that other person. Because, like I said, anger and fear come from love, but so does a petty desire to show someone up.

Still human, therefore still capable of being petty. 😛